Keeping Score in Marriage

Okay, I have a confession to make…there have been multiple times in the past few years since having children that I have mentally kept “score” with my husband. He had no idea but I was doing it and honestly it just made me feel worse and I do NOT recommend doing it.

I know we are in the “thick of it” and this is just a really really trying time in our life with two young kids, but making anything a competition during it will only make matters worse. I have done this in times of frustration, when I feel like things are uneven and I am doing more. Things will NEVER be equally during this time, that is my opinion and what I have witnessed the past few years in my house. I am not saying that to be a martyr or to blame anyone but lets break it down…

I was pregnant for 9 months, not counting the time we were trying to conceive and gave up a lot at that time. Then the baby is born, I breastfeed for almost 2 years and my first child never took a paci. So I was her only source of food for the first 6+ months, her paci when she needed it, her soft place to snuggle, her home as she adjusted to the world. My husband has taken on the main role as we night weaned our babies, I didn’t get up once to deal with either of them during those nights till we reached a certain point. I found and sourced daycare, preschools, babysitters, dentist etc. My husband always picks up the dog poop and puts our trash cans out for the trash pickup. I could keep going but you get the picture.

Right now as I am creating my own career path that does not involve going into an office daily or reporting to anyone and with my husband as the sole provider for our family. Things have definitely shifted for both of us, I do way more around the house (cooking, cleaning, meal prep), child rearing, activity director, household errands etc. It doesn’t seem as balance as it was when we were both working full time and that is okay. I know it won’t always be like this and one day we will have a better balance, until then I just ask for help when I need it and don’t mentally keep tabs on who changed more diapers in a day.

Share in the comments if you have ever mentally kept score without your spouse knowing it!