Learning to Parent while in a relationship

Parenting and marriage is a bumpy ride. My husband and I, have had more arguments since becoming parents than I could have ever expected. Becoming a mother was natural and “easy”, becoming a parent wasn’t as “easy” for me. The first year is survival mode and with so many ups and downs you think you have it mostly figured out. Then the baby becomes a toddler and you again have no idea what to do. I remember right before my first turned one, I thought there was something wrong with her. I couldn’t figure it out, she was ornery more often than not, seemed cranky A LOT and was super dramatic over nothing. It took me a couple of months before I realized, this was just toddler-hood. Then the real fun began.

Mostly during the first year, my husband and I just rolled with everything baby related. Our arguments were due to sleep deprivation and fighting a tired baby to sleep while exhausted ourselves. As she started to get older and discipline came into play, I realized there was a lot more we had learn together.

I was born as a mother the day my first was born, but a parent is something I[m learning to do along the way. Its about the decisions you make, the way you parent, the mistakes, the lessons and the love you have to give. Luckily the love part is easy, disciplining is not, at first sometimes, it is just a knee jerk reaction because you can’t believe such a little person just said that! I wasn’t ready to have to discipline my child, I was ready to teach her, watch her grow and be there to support and love her.

As “older” parents there are many things that one can argue are easier for us and there are many positives to it. There are also plenty of things that are more of a challenge, being a little more set in our ways and a tad less pliable, makes learning to parent together an up and down journey. At times its been a test for our relationship, learning how to support each other while having different parenting styles. That has be hard for me, the mama bear comes out and I just want to protect my babies while making the situation better. At first that meant mama bear just got mad at daddy bear and protecting baby cub while undermining his decisions at the time. Needless to say, this caused tension and tifts between us. I honestly thought I knew best and because I was mama bear, I was always right. It took my husband a few times telling me how he felt before I would listen. Throwing a second kid in the mix was the real test, especially now at three and one years old, naps are not at the same time and there is no downtime during the day. I am happy to report, that we have done pretty well for ourselves this past year. Communication is key, letting things go is a close second and giving yourself grace will make the bumpy ride a little more smooth.

I’m not perfect, we are a work in progress and our relationship has never been stronger. We know at the end of the day it us against the world, if we don’t have each others backs at home then we don’t have a fighting chance.

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